“Make Your Move” Movie Review

This is a review for the film Make Your Move (Previously Cobu 3D and an array of other names I’ve forgotten already since this movie was supposed to come out two years ago) starring Derek Hough and Korean gem BoA. In my mind, this movie was renamed to So Happy I Got Free Passes To This Thing Because If I Would Have Paid I Would Have Been Pissed.

There is a lot wrong with this film, but first I should talk about my expectations. God, I had low expectations for this movie. For one, it’s a dance movie. All dance movies can be summed up like this:

Nonetheless, I did a lot more cringing than I have ever done when dragged to watch a dance movie by my best friend. We literally looked at each other ten minutes into this movie and chorused, “Who the hell wrote this, a fanfic writer?” My friend even had a specific writer in mind. I don’t know who you are Taenylover69, but you were mentioned today. Sometimes I am morbidly fascinated by what my friend is possibly reading online.

Plot Summary

Derek is Donny, a tap-dancing guy on parole (no, I am not making this up) who goes to Brooklyn to get a job at his brother’s club. He tells his friend, the token Hispanic character, to lie to his parole officer in New Orleans until he gets back after making enough money. You see, as part of his parole he’s not allowed near bars or clubs, so he can’t dance to make money (which is apparently the only thing he knows how to do). Never mind that there are various other establishments where you could dance that isn’t a bar or club and make money.

(Donny and his brother Nick. They are too gangster for you.)

So off he goes, only by the time he gets to New York his brother, Nick, has fought with his partner Kaz. Kaz and the club’s biggest investor, Michael Griffiths, stayed with the club and Nick left to start an illegal one of his own. Apparently the business breakup somehow stemmed from Michael’s infatuation with Kaz’s sister, Aya (played by BoA), and Kaz featuring his sister too much in their night club shows. You see, they don’t just have a normal club, they have an artsy dance club with different nightly numbers. Or at least, that’s what I understood but frankly I wasn’t paying much attention to the convenient exposition explanation by Nick after Donny’s arrival because I was too busy rolling my eyes and eating my nachos.

(This is BoA and her crew. They’re also too gangster for you. They play drums. That’s somehow a subplot but don’t worry about it, the movie strays from it to the very end, conveniently. There are some seriously questionable fashion choices in this screen-cap.)

The Acting (A.K.A. Don’t worry BoA, we all make mistakes)

First off, Derek is an amazing dancer and a terrible, terrible actor. Now to BoA. I love you, I do, but don’t act. I have zero issue with your accent but your performance was just horrible. I know this isn’t Oscar-worthy material you’re working with but you weren’t believable in the least. I literally said this aloud: “Stop talking BoA and just dance.” She had this Valley Girl way of talking and then she’d randomly laugh in the fakest manner after a really stupid predictable joke or comment that made you want to slap her. But what really, really, really, irked me was the way she’d react whenever Donny touched her, like she was going to fricking faint (or was in mid-orgasm) just because he’d touched her cheek or her shoulder. No. No. You met this guy like a week ago, calm yourself.

(Stop it, BoA! Stop it!)

Everything Else That Was Wrong With This Movie

1. Omg, these impromptu dance scenes are so unrehearsed. I’ve  seen other movies do this but this one was INCREDIBLY shameless about it. Donny literally teaches a dancer in the crowd in like five seconds how to masterfully dance tap. I’m done.

2. BoA’s character is annoying and unlikable. Although they were trying to portray her as being very independent and strong, giving back her brother the money he gave her to pay her rent and getting back her own stolen drums, she still came off as childish to me. The scene that did this for me was the one where she thought it would be a good idea to crash the club stage of her brother’s rival to show off (after throwing firecrackers at the feet of unsuspecting, totally innocent clubgoers waiting in line). Then, when her brother gets into a fist fight because he was scared Nick would hurt her for sneaking onto his property (which is reasonable considering Nick almost ran her over the day before), she walks away because she’s so over it. What. The. Hell. Your brother’s back there! Fist fighting! With guys that have guns! (That in itself is just illogical but still!)

3. F(x)’s Nu ABO had the saddest cameo of a K-Pop song that I have ever seen. Make that the saddest cameo of a song, period. The song was the background song at a club, in a video that was supposedly shot months before when Nick and Kaz where still friends. So it’s heard through a laptop’s low speakers, along with the cheering of partygoers, and to put some sprinkles on the cake, the only part they put is the nanananananananananana because apparently since everything else is in Korean they can’t put it in an American movie…

4. They took 40 minutes or so into the movie to explain why BoA would be sent back to Japan if she failed to get a work visa even though she was Korean. That should have been one of the first things you should have answered. The characters kept switching between Japanese and Korean and it was annoying! Explain how she knows both languages, it’s obviously important. I wanted to know Aya’s history, since there was obviously more to her than to Donny’s boring to the very last fiber character.

5. Donny and Aya are a cringe worthy couple. They spoke to each other like they were still in high school. I could have written this screenplay in sixth grade. Hell. I could go to Asianfanfics.com, choose a random fanfic, print it, give it to the director of this film, and the product would still probably be 80% better than this movie. If you don’t believe me, wait till you get to the texting scene in this movie.

6. The music. And by that I mean, Cheap Creeper should have never been created. Say Yes is an atrocity inflicted on mankind. And Henry’s Trap would never in a MILLION YEARS play in the “hottest club” in New York. That’s NOT a club song! I have a headache.

7. Aya slept with Donny even though he hadn’t bathed for FOUR days. He was HOMELESS for four days, then they go on a date and sleep together. Seriously BoA!? And who paid for that meal?!

8. To the women (yes, plural) who brought 7-year-olds to this movie screening. Why? I don’t even understand your logic. During the scene where Aya and Donny are undressing each other while dancing all I kept thinking was, I wonder how the parents are going to explain this one. Obviously, nothing is shown because otherwise BoA’s fandom would throw a tantrum. But if I was bored, imagine a kid. Actually, I take that back. Considering the vocabulary level used in this film, I’d say it was meant for a very, very, very, young crowd.

Everything That Was Right With This Movie

1. Yunho. That cameo was perfect. I loved the dance. I wish he would have been an actual character with speaking lines.

2. The taxi driver. You know this movie is bad if I’m mentioning a taxi driver. He was the second best part of this movie after Yunho and his brief appearance.

3. Kaz + Natsumi. Aya’s brother and his girlfriend are cute together despite their lack of screen time. Donny and Aya are UGH.

I’m going to go pretend this never happened and blast Every Heart on loop. If you still want to watch this film remember it comes out on April 18 in the U.S.

Film Rating: 1 star/5 stars

(Sources)