Kyary Teaches Choreography for “Ring a Bell”/Should Start Own Creepy Kids Show

July 10, 2014  By  kpopbreak     No comments

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It’s a good day if there’s Kyary Pamyu Pamyu news. Turns out the queen of all-that-glitters-and-then-tries-to-stab-you is holding her fourth auditions for child dancers to star in her next Japanese tour in October and November. So if you have like a young second cousin you don’t really like, this would be the time to force them into the entertainment industry in order to get closer to Kyary and her candy-coated tentacles (Tentacles was strangely auto-corrected to testicles and I was tempted to keep it.). The audition song is Ring a Bell and Kyary uploaded a video on the Warner Music Japan official YouTube showing the step-by-step choreography. If you want to learn it, it’s below.

So as I was watching this really simply yet hypnotizing dance I thought, wouldn’t it be absolutely amazing if Kyary had her own kids show? Like, Sesame street on crack or a creepier version of Lazy Town. She would have a super, super cute intro.

Child chant: What time is it?!

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu Pon Pon Pon PV Gif
Child Chant: It’s Kyary Tiiiiime!

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And she’d secretly play every character, from the Kawaii Princess to the Evil Eyelashes Queen to Untranslatable Alien #3 to Phone App Fairy Godmother.

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu PV Princess GlitterKyary Pamyu Pamyu Eyelashes PV Evil QueenKyary Pamyu Pamyu Commercial Alien WTFKyary Pamyu Pamyu Commercial Kira Kira Killer Fairy

She’d have competitions against robots and win through cheating, but then feel bad about it, and sing about the importance of honesty and good fashion sense.

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu Family Party PV GIF
The lessons would be so vast. Today’s topic – Toast!

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu Pon Pon Pon PV Gif Toast
“Today, we’ll be talking about the eyes!”

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu Pon Pon Pon PV Gif Throws Up Eyes
“Today, we’ll be talking about mirrors and parallel universes!”

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu GIF Mirrors
“Today, we’ll be traveling to hell and setting the goat king free! But first, we need to die. No helmet needed. Yaaaaaay!”

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu Kira Kira Killer MV GIF

But my favorite episode would be when she teaches kids about the dangers of firearms.

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu PV GIF

Half-way through the show she’d be like, “Kyary needs a moment kids.”

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu PV GIF Drinking

Sometimes she doesn’t feel like showing up to work, so she goes into “animated mode.”

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu GIF Animated Mode

And oh my god, the live shows!

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu Wings Live Concert GIF

Can someone start a Kickstarter for this? I’d pay. Bring her to Disney Channel!

Kyary Pamyu Pamyu Eyelashes PV GIF
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