It’s a good day if there’s Kyary Pamyu Pamyu news. Turns out the queen of all-that-glitters-and-then-tries-to-stab-you is holding her fourth auditions for child dancers to star in her next Japanese tour in October and November. So if you have like a young second cousin you don’t really like, this would be the time to force them into the entertainment industry in order to get closer to Kyary and her candy-coated tentacles (Tentacles was strangely auto-corrected to testicles and I was tempted to keep it.). The audition song is Ring a Bell and Kyary uploaded a video on the Warner Music Japan official YouTube showing the step-by-step choreography. If you want to learn it, it’s below.

So as I was watching this really simply yet hypnotizing dance I thought, wouldn’t it be absolutely amazing if Kyary had her own kids show? Like, Sesame street on crack or a creepier version of Lazy Town. She would have a super, super cute intro.

Child chant: What time is it?!

Child Chant: It’s Kyary Tiiiiime!

And she’d secretly play every character, from the Kawaii Princess to the Evil Eyelashes Queen to Untranslatable Alien #3 to Phone App Fairy Godmother.

She’d have competitions against robots and win through cheating, but then feel bad about it, and sing about the importance of honesty and good fashion sense.

The lessons would be so vast. Today’s topic – Toast!

“Today, we’ll be talking about the eyes!”

“Today, we’ll be talking about mirrors and parallel universes!”

“Today, we’ll be traveling to hell and setting the goat king free! But first, we need to die. No helmet needed. Yaaaaaay!”

But my favorite episode would be when she teaches kids about the dangers of firearms.

Half-way through the show she’d be like, “Kyary needs a moment kids.”

Sometimes she doesn’t feel like showing up to work, so she goes into “animated mode.”

And oh my god, the live shows!

Can someone start a Kickstarter for this? I’d pay. Bring her to Disney Channel!

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(Sources)